The Twenty Sixth: "Ressurection"
The Twenty Sixth: "Resurrection".
After a short break of one year, we're back. This time around there's no songs, no jingles, no social networking, all of it put to one side to make way for even more of our "unique" brand of "comedy" banter. After a year of heavy research we've enough material at the very least to celebrate St. Andrew and his pretty ironic cross, and on the subject of crosses, call for the crucifixion of some Scottish referees. Back with a vengeance are the usual reviews and dead celebrity poetry, including the new Stoppable movie and a bit about Bruce Forsyth's saga.
To be frank, the usual pointless drivel as we rehash old material and try to remember how to speak after a year of thankful silence. Enjoy, and send us some new messages of hope to email@example.com. …
Err, is it too much to expect this time?
Looking at that last post, you'll have noted that quite some time ago now, we'd had a vague thought that we'd be hitting the ol' podcast trail once again, but that ultimately, we never managed to do it.
(he says tentatively) We may be recording the first of the new series tomorrow night.
Stay on your guard... …
What you're about to read could very well be described as the most earth shattering announcement since Ghandi was shot:
On Tuesday, 16th February in the Year of Our Lord 2010, Alan and I will be dusting off the microphone, shuffling ourselves in front of my porn-laden laptop, fixing each other's flaxen hair, and firing ourselves up for the fire crackling Second Series of our little For the Love of G...lasgow podcast.
Expect the expected, in other words the usual tragic nonsense, because after a fair few months' break we're full once again of vim and of glorious vigour, and cannot wait to fill you in on what we've been up to since you last heard our most angelic of voices in your ears. OK, so I could very well sum up what we've been doing as:
erm, we've been playing the PS3 and our new HTC Hero phones, and stuff...
...but I'm sure as always we'll drag that kind of gold out for at least 30 minutes per show, so tune in, turn up the noise and spank yourself in time with the beat of our comedy genius.
The Twenty Sixth will be with you soon... …
Happy New Year
Yup, happy 2010 folks. That's it for now. See you soon. …
Well that's it for another year.
We're signing off for 2009 and the end of the first decade of the 21st Century. You'll be glad to know that we'll be back again next year for a second series of purile nonsense, lots of empty chat about nothing, basically more of the same rubbish you've come to hate us for.
I'm waiting to get delivered a wee fandangly bit of hardware that'll allow us to video our pointless diatribe and post it onto iTunes and all the other places we shouldn't be allowed, so at some point in early 2010 you'll be able to watch us rip shreds in the fabric of comedy rather than simply listen to us.
Sounds great eh?
Yeah, I didn't think so.
In the meantime, make sure you keep up the momentum of our richly-successful Booze for Scotland campaign by getting completely sozzled oot yer coupon over the festive period (only responsibly, of course), and we'll see you again soon.
Oh, and if you do choose to go booze crazy in the coming weeks, here's a wee link to help you yack it all back up again! …
A break's a break for aw that!
Just a wee note here to let you know that we're taking a wee break from the podcast.
Call it the end of The First Series: "Bored" if you wish, but we're both concentrating on our respective solo projects for a bit. I'm doing a new podcast called Glasgow Generations with my Dad, and Alan's planning something far more exciting which I'm not allowed to tell you yet!
We hope to end the first series by doing a wee video to tie things up, well, that is, once I work out how to do a wee video to tie things up, and no doubt I'll post it up on the blog, YouTube, the ol' Top Ten Glasgow Guide and wherever else I can fit it in before anyone notices.
Until then, Alan and I would like to thank what's turned out to be the thousands of listeners to the show who've tuned in and / or commented during the first 25 episodes. It's been nothing less than an absolute joy to watch Alan grow older with each passing show, and we hope to be with you again very soon.
The Twenty Fifth: "Bushmonkey"
The Twenty Fifth: "Bushmonkey".
'This is it', as they famously say. After an honest fortnight's break comes our Quarter of a Century Episode, and to celebrate we take you painstakingly through a 12-part quiz (well, 12-ish anyway) on how our pointless little show has changed the world since it was yanked screaming from a womb barren, oh so barren of classic gold comedy. Featured in this one is much insightful nonsense on crazy millionaire Marlon King, the toothloined Mohandas Karamchand Ghandi, each and every one of the X-Factor contestants and their leering, flash-prone stalkers, and a bit about Guy Fawkes that we may have cut and pasted from last year's Bonfire episode.
We also mourn the passing of a certain young Mr. Gately and invite you to take part in our new competition to win 300 gold dust sydney Devine tickets. Our music this week comes courtesy of the up and coming Pocket Gods (www.myspace.com/thepocketgods), so strap yourself in and we'll definitely see you once again in a 'fortnight'.
Once more unto the beach?
Naw, because we're back from our break and (provided I can bend Alan's arm enough tonight) we should be recording the new episode of the podcast on Tuesday.
Mark my word, it'll be our best yet.
When I say "mark my word" though, that actually means "totally ignore me as I'm talking nonsense".
Why not have a final listen to the 24th in the meantime. It'll be the best thing you do all day. And when I say "it'll be the best thing you do all day"...
A commendable work ethic?
OK, so today's when you would normally expect to be able to download the new episode of the show. However, because of some unforeseen circumstances including, but not limited to, Alan having done zero preparation for the show over the weekend by dint of his recently incessant booze-craziness, and my having no voice whatsoever following a knock-out dose of the man-flu, I'm afraid you'll just have to wait a little longer for The Twenty Fifth.
I'm actually due to head off to Portugal for a quick bout of sun before the winter blows in, our second attempt after our last booking there was cancelled when the flight company went bust last year, so hopefully the next show will be with you before the end of October, just in time for another tragic Hallowe'en special I'm sure!
In the meantime, feel free to listen to the last show if you haven't already, and fire us your comments to firstname.lastname@example.org.
The Twenty Fourth: "Rats"
The Twenty Fourth: "Rats".
As we wind down our first full day in cyberspace (OK, so that's sweeping to one side the fact that most of our shows last less than an hour, so really, even though this is the 24th episode, there's not been 24 hours worth of material, certainly not comedy material anyway, and also the fact that for each of these 24 episodes it's taken us at least 8 solid hours of yapping, weeping and editing to get the show down to less than an hour, so really for us, taking all that time into consideration, in fact we're in our 3rd year of doing this whole shambles of a tragic podcast), we talk about stuff.
Stuff like crippled rats, extinctified pandas, the Strictly Come Dancing versus X Factor drama, the ever-poetic deaths of Patrick Swayze and Keith Floyd, and the fact-based fact that Ricky Gervais revealed live on air on TV and everything that he listens to this show. The rising-like-yeast-on-speed Shimmer play for us once again, back by popular demand (www.myspace.com/shimmeruk), and thanks for tuning in. As usual, send us your own nonsense to
Our first celebrity listener
So we'll be recording again tomorrow night, barring any untimely deaths or inexplicable rashes, and the next episode of the show will be ready for your ears on Wednesday.
It promises to be a shorter one this time, with the unpolished, unabashed feel of unpreparedness, but at the very least if you download it you'll be sure to find out the identity of our first celebrity listener.
At this point, and to keep your anticipation teetering on the edge of its no doubt anxiety-laden chair, I won't reveal the identity of this person. I'd rather you downloaded the show and listened to find out, basically because the identity of this major A-List celebrity is one whose talent for comedy the whole world is familiar with, so to let you know who it is in advance would be to ruin it's Ricky Gervais.
OK, so you dragged it out me. It's Ricky Gervais, the identity of our first celebrity listener, the identity of our first A-List celebrity listener who admitted on American TV the other night that he listens to our little podcast from Glasgow.
Yes, Ricky Gervais.
I can just imagine him now, Ricky Gervais, our first A-List celebrity listener, drawing doodles of weird animals while listening to Alan reveal all about his travels in Europe, wondering why his own podcast could possibly be downloaded more than ours.
So thanks for your admission on live TV the other night Ricky Gervais. We promise to mention you in the next show so you can tell all your friends. …
The Twenty Third: "Eurotripped"
The Twenty Third: "Eurotripped".
We're back refreshed from a non-earned break, that is, a break that wasn't earned, and to drill home the point we've come up with our first show for a while lasting more than an hour. Yup, that's one full hour of pure, unadulterated comedy. You'll find it packed to the nines with Alan's important lessons from his trip to Europe and around Glasgow, the death of a Kennedy Dynasty and British Justice following the capture of Big Bob Megrahi, an unforgetable poem from Paul Gascoigne, and why we shouldn't be too worried about winning the War on Terror.
Happy Birthday to Scott's Inglorious Mum, and thanks to all our listener and fan for being patient while we've been away, especially those in Southampton. Call us. No, really...call us...
We also provide some live after the fact commentary of Andy Murray losing at the US Open, and our Glasgow music of the week comes courtesy of the increasingly popular Norquay (www.myspace.com/norquaymusic).
Drums and Rolls Please
Yes, the moment you may have dreaded the most in the last few weeks - the day has come to announce that in fact, despite many having demanded it, we've not met a gruesome, untimely death.
Alan's now back fresh and refreshed from his wallet-wearying Eurotrip, and I'm absolutely ecstatic at the thought of ending my brief adjournment in social networking. We'll be recording the new episode of the podcast next week, hopefully on Tuesday so it should be available to download on Wednesday.
As you might remember, the last show pretty much tailed off at the end as we staggered over its finishing line, and revealed just how drained and in need of a break we were at the time. You'll be glad to know however, that we've put the memory of that sorry experience behind us now. You'll be glad that the hearts are pumping once again and we're 100% raring to go.
So thanks for the messages of concern we've been getting in the meantime. If you want any mentions on the next show, just email us at -
and you may very well end up hearing your name. And your message. Through our voices. In a podcast you can keep forever. I mean, how about that?
OK, so all of this pretend excitement may just be as a result of my winning our local pub quiz last night rather than the thought of recording once again, but who cares anyway, right?
I'm the big winner! …
The Twenty Second: "Rosie"
The Twenty Second: "Rosie".
With the greatest of thanks to Audacity, that most wizard of editing tools, and to Our Rosie, the winner of our last competition to whom this show is now dedicated (and who's definitely better than a convicted murderer), comes a brandly spanktuous new episode of this most tragic of podcasts. We wonder this time at the bold attempt by Fagan to force Oliver into swindling MJ's Paris, give praise to the passing of Patch Adams and Last Tommy Lee, and as always, spew out some pointless reviews of movies and restaurants, this time including Glasgow's The Loft, WB Yeats' Wine Lodge and Danny Zuko's new comeback movie The Taking of Pelham 123. Our Glasgow music this week comes courtesy of the superb Dr Flaw, and we leave you with some memories of Faith No More before Andrew Ridgeley was booted out the band.
See you after Alan return's from finding himself in Europe, and thanks again to all the other great entrants to our competition.
Wait for it...wait for it...
Just in case you didn't get the message on our Facebook Group and are wondering when the next show will be available, due to some unforeseen circumstances we won't be recording the Twenty Second until 11th August, so it should be available to download the next day.
So please keep all the comments and emails coming in and if you've not entered the Twenty First Competition yet, well, you'll be like most of our other listeners!
Feel free to listen to the last show over and over again until the new one's out.
A year down the line...
...and look what we've achieved.
Yeah, so anyway, this week marks a whole year we've been doing this whole For the Love of G...lasgow podcasting debacle. Our first post on this most tragic of blogs was on 31st July last year, and the first episode went out a few weeks later. Since then we've recorded another 20 shows in an almost fortnightly fervour of aimless comedic proportion.
Doesn't time pass when you're having fun, eh?
Aye, and you guessed it - it's dragged in for us!
Over the year we've gradually been picked up by the search engines and podcast directories, been listed as a featured comedy podcast in iTunes, become the most popular current Glasgow podcast and as a result, attracted a whole lotta listeners to whom we've got to give some credit, given your commendable loyalty in the face of brutal, dark side organisations like the BBC and Absolute Radio, who seem to have taken the idea of independent podcasting and carved it into pieces.
So as we sit here plotting how to overthrow the big guns by improving our little show beyond recognition, we'd just like to thank all of you for making this whole venture into cyberspace worthwhile. Keep the emails, tracks and photos coming in to
and why not give us a wee review on iTunes whilst you're at it - who knows, if you do you might end up winning our Official Stein Mug and having a full show dedicated entirely to you (listen to the 21st episode for more info or visit the Facebook Group).
Cheersanawratbyraway, and we'll be recording the new show soon enough. …
The Twenty First: "Moonings"
The Twenty First: "Mooning".
Sorry about the late show due to the Springsteen and subsequent swine flu, but you can rest assured that this one was worth the wait. In our longest show for a while, we lament the passing of a national hero, review the new Frank Bruno Movie, the audio-described Transformers: Revenge of the Falling Earth Movie, the Hermione's Development Movie, and some place called Ketchup. We also debate the truth of the moon landings, whether Alan should be renamed Captain Birdseye and introduce our tragic Twenty First Competition.
Our Glasgow band of the week are the energetic Tenemants
(www.myspace.com/thetenemants) and we also cram in a great track sent in by one of our loyal listeners. Enjoy... …
Bruce Springsteen in Glasgow and some snotty apologies
We were due to have been recording the new show tonight, a day late as I was at the Bruce Springsteen gig at Hampden Park Glasgow last night, but I've woken up feeling not unlike a poorly swine flu victim - snotty, sneezy, weak, over-reacting.
So I'm afraid we've pushed back the 21st episode to Sunday, and it should be available to download on the same day. In the meantime, keep the comments and emails coming in (email@example.com), and as soon as the blood disappears from inside my eyeballs I'll be sure to take a look at them.
As for Springsteen, yet another outstanding gig!
The man fair puts in a shift - played for three solid, sweat-invoking hours without a break, which isn't bad for a wee laddy turning 60 this year (bearing in mind how broken I looked just having walked home from the gig!).
He and the legendary E Street Band, including the mighty favourite Clarence "Big Man" Clemons who got a roar every time he even moved, entertained a typically deafening Glasgow crowd (I've never seen so much of the audience at Hampden cram onto the pitch despite having seated tickets - a reflection I'd imagine of the effort & energy coming from the stage) with some of his spell-binding classics, but other than Born to Run, the standout for me was what could be only best described as a Song for the Credit Crunch - Hard Times Come Again No More - a working class song sung by a working class hero for a working class City in need of a break.
(as Alan would say, songs from the streets - the lyrics could easily be about his own tough upbringing in Bearsden!)
Near the end of the gig, having seen the whole band revel in & appear pretty surprised by the pulsating waves of energy from the crowd throughout the gig, Springsteen said that next time they won't wait so long to come back.
Aye pal, if you're no back next year ah'll be ragin!
Put all that nonsense to one side though. The thing that really won it for me last night was all the wacky guys walking around on the pitch selling booze to the drunken masses, with some wacky contraption on their back I'll be yapping about on the next show, hopefully having purloined one for myself in the meantime!
So until then I'm off for a lie down and a quick check of the NHS site to see how long I've got...
I'm 90% Hetero!!!
I knew it!
I just totally knew it!!
I told you not to listen to Alan and his views on my sexuality. Now who's laughing?!!
I took the Stockholm Pride test you can do until 2nd August, and it analyses your Twitter feed to check your use of words most likely used by, well, non-heteros.
And look at that!
Alan might comment that most of what I do online is "Gay!", but there's the proof! There's the proof! - Right there!
Aye. I'm off to convince my parents. …
It's competition time
We'll soon be recording our 21st show, and to thank all the new listeners who've flocked to us since we've been listed by iTunes as a featured comedy podcast, as well as all those who've been with us for a while, on the new show we'll be introducing The Twenty First Competition.
Sounds interesting, doesn't it?
Well OK, so maybe it doesn't. God you guys are so hard to please!
So here's the thing. Tune in to our next show which should be available a week today (I'll remind you nearer the time in case something more important pushes your back-breaking excitement to one side), and we'll give you details on how to qualify for a chance to win what can only be described as the best prize we've ever given away on the show.
Yes OK I know, we've never given a prize away on the show before. Do you have to look into every bold statement I make?!!
Whatever. New show. New competition. New prizes. New winner. And I can safely say that Alan's never been more pumped with yet another of my tragic additions to the podcast!
And you can still listen to the 20th episode over and over until then...
The Twentieth: "Lionel"
The Twentieth: "Lionel".
To be honest, it was supposed to be called "Michael", but you'll soon see why that wouldn't have been entirely appropriate. In our first landmark show we cycle furiously through our place in the history of iTunes, our thoughts on Wacko Jacko, Farrah Fawcett and Not Dead Goldbloom, and come to rest in Wimbledon & the coronation of Sir Andy Murray.
There's also some anti-racism thrown in for giggles, a premature review of a floating Glasgow restaurant, a disappointing Take That Circus at Hampden Park, and our independent Glasgow band this time around is the fantastic Hollow Horse (www.hollowhorse.co.uk).
Happy Birthday Dad, long live Lionel Ritchie! …
The show must go on
Michael is no longer with us, but we'll place our devastation to one side and press on in his honour.
Our 20th show will be recorded tomorrow night and should be available to download by Wednesday. I'm not sure what we'll be talking about, and suspect that it might end up being just a 50 minute silence.
Either way, I'll Be There and so will Alan.
Eh? ...Eh? ...
Rest in Peace Michael
All jokes aside here - I'm absolutely gutted.
Music taste has always been subjective - you either like the sound of something or you don't, and everyone's free to choose what to listen to. I've also taken the view that when it comes to numbers, record sales and downloads can never be relied on to prove that a band or musician has talent or not.
That said, sometimes numbers don't lie.
In this era of music, when 2 million sales or downloads can make you the biggest selling artist of the year, Michael Jackson is estimated to have sold over three quarters of a billion records over his career. What do you think that number tells you? What do you think the awards, the first-evers and all the record-breaking tell you? I've always raised a smile when his newer albums have been deemed failures because they've sold less than his prior work, even though their figures still blow every other act out the water and their sound still reverberates in the music of those acts considered more relevant than him today.
This generation has largely missed out on Michael Jackson, and despite the huge number of musicians in popular music today citing him as having been a major influence, despite much of today's sounds portrayed as unique & fresh by an increasingly myopic music industry having in fact been fashioned by him decades ago, despite all that, for the main part when this generation thinks of Michael Jackson, regretfully it's not the music which first springs to mind.
Despite being a fan of blues and rock, I grew up loving his music, wanting to be him, lapping up every record, every MTV appearance & Pepsi advert, screaming at the sensationalist news channels more concerned with his personal life, watching & re-watching increasingly fuzzy video tapes of his live performances. The first record I ever bought was Thriller, and in 1992 I was lucky enough to see him live at Glasgow Green. I've been to hundreds of gigs since then but that one sticks more than most in my memory, the image of him ending Man in the Mirror before flying off on a jet pack into the night - we all knew it wasn't him but what a spectacle that show was.
I listen to the older generation go on about Elvis, who died just after I was born. I hear them, even years after his death, mourn the passing of such a strongly influential light in music, wonder what he'd have achieved had he lived as long as he should have done. I listen to the music he produced and think about how great it still sounds, how breathtaking it must have sounded in the context it was created.
But I wasn't there!
I didn't experience the thrill of seeing his career unfold, so while yeah, I can tap along to his work and hear all the stories about how he changed the world, I'll never understand what it was like to have been there when it all happened.
Michael Jackson was our Elvis. I mean, I know that's not exactly a new revelation, but for me, all I can think about is just how lucky I've been to have borne witness to the career of one man whose music changed us all (even those who don't admit it & scorn his very existence). I think that the next generation might see him in the same way I see Elvis, and that it'll never have the chance to experience first-hand that kind of thrill, that magnitude of talent that transcends every colour, creed and border & completely reshapes the face of music.
The ticket refund I'm now expecting from his London gigs will be the least welcome money I've received for some time! Some truly depressing thoughts really, but I think I'll go and listen to some of his albums and cheer myself up!
Thanks Michael, and rest in peace. …
Good Luck Sir Andy Murray!
It's Pimm's o'clock and I'm oozing fat strawberries because it's finally here.
Wimbledon 2009. The Championships. The theatre of dreams. The roof that keeps out the rain. The players who play tennis. In Wimbledon. For prizes and money and that.
As you all know, Sir Andy Murray is a great Friend of the Show, and Alan & I would like to take this opportunity to wish him the very best of luck in this season's tournament.
Let's hope Chris Hoy doesn't conspire to ruin Sir Andy's chances once again.
Let's hope the BBC mention that he's Scottish if he wins, rather than only when he loses.
Let's hope that WHEN Sir Andy beats "Pretender to the Throne" Federer in the final, it tops last year's final as the best ever match.
Let's hope I don't lose my job for watching the whole thing on a big screen in the office, dressed head to toe in my tennis gear.
Let's hope the female players don't wear shorts again.
Let's hope...and believe!
Do you believe? …
Russell Howard and Glasgow and Painting Elephants with Tippex and Stuff
Having lapped up some outstanding gourmet burgers and at Ketchup in Shawlands, we went to see Mock the Week's Russell Howard last night at the Glasgow Royal Concert Hall, supported by the brilliant Mark Oliver.
Despite being right at the back row and therefore about 2 miles above the stage, we absolutely loved it. I'd seen Russell play the Old Fruitmarket before and wasn't really impressed (I think I was just too boozed, to be honest), but last night I had a stupid grin on my face all the way from start to finish.
Best bits included yapping about painting elephants with tippex, knifing leprechauns under rainbows and photographing 9 year-old girls in a museum.
He did make the mistake though after the rapturous applause of taking questions from the audience, something which should just never be done in Glasgow. The questions that could be heard and translated from the mostly boozed-up crowd included little gems like "do you know what chloroform smells like?" and "fancy coming to the pub after this?".
Good ol' Glasgow! …
For the Love of G...lasgow: A Dram of Scottish Humour & the Finest Glasgow Comedy Podcast
A gut-busting glass of Scottish humour in Glasgow Scotland, in the official comedy podcast blog of the Top Ten Glasgow Guide, featuring the tragicomic collective voice of Scott Docherty and Alan Macdonald.