with Kevin Allison

with Lauren Hennessy

"I would rip the throat outta your fuckin' neck and shove it up your asspipe!"

"This was my best friend at the start, and I tell ya, he and I will never be friends again."

"You have an emotion?! Fuck you."…

"I don't have anything to hide."

"It's like fuckin' nuclear war in Keith and The Girl. The only way to win is not to play."

"All the things the hit parade those were the days!"

"I think the government will have a nice time looking through Keith's phone records."

"People are so messed up like you."

"Things were very very bad with us to the point where I thought she had poisoned my food that weekend."

"I do hope you and that little fucking kid of yours dies."

"I got kicked out of my house because of your show."

"That's why it truly is something to believe in."

"You add kids into it, and you're adding in child butt-fuckin'. I'm just talking about killing here!"

"I don't think it lowers you. This is low enough."

"I happened to come across, through a fake friend of a fake friend, my high school bus bully."

"Fuck you Emmy die."

"I'm sorry for your loss. Go fuck yourself."

"What do you want; black, white, or oriental?! And I'm freakin' my brains out, man!"

"I like to fart on people's asses and go, 'You farted.'"

"Wait; I'm not raping somebody, right?"

"Excuse me; where is the 9/11?"

"Happy Birthday; there's the door."

"Do you know you're fuckin' insane?"

"Okay, you're gonna rape me for askin' this..."

"Just so you know, you're the worst, and you need to get your shit together."

"Bro, I knew somethin' was wrong when a little pretty white girl ran into a black man's arms. Somethin' is wrong here! Dead giveaway!"

"Pee in the bush, and I will give you the best place to shit!"

"I had a fondness for Satan."

"Do you black handshake the pussy?"

"She doesn't know how to wear a jacket she's so fuckin' horny."

"Keith is parading all of his drunk friends on the show today."

"I'VE NEVER SEEN SOMETHING THIS BARBARIC!"

"She's gonna be shocked at first. Probably even angry 'cause she knows you'll make a terrible dad..."

"I can't believe this is a thing! This is what's gonna make the YouTube fuckin' clip of course!"

"There's such a thin line to using your ass to get me hard and not killing me."

"How does it go from hacking into Chase to you end up in the hospital?"

"It's the one where she's blowing the guy, she threw up, and she uses it as lube."

"Get out! You are a loser!"

"I wish I would have taken my career more seriously rather than sleeping on a bed."

"About to commit a robbery. Lemme check in on foursquare."

"You'll never be the same."

Lauren and co-host Emmy count up to the bottom 10 things to gift a lover. Ever.

"Well, guess it's time to eat this wedding cake myself."

"I guarantee he brought Elmo into bed."

"Why can-ya ja-Keith jusakedtrhfgytj are we frens jus ask me akyestion!"

"If I knew that it was gonna end in a year and eight months, I certainly wouldn't have had fuckin' Elton John's Wedding of the Century."

"Look how happy this boy is right now. Look how thrilled to death at everyone's demise."

"The union guys escorted me down to an office. I thought I was gonna get killed."

"Cunt bitch! Die! You're fuckin' mean to people! You're a little bitch!"

"My dad doesn't know this; but, he loves me drunk."

"That is the last hot dog and Kool-Aid party you're ever invited to, funny guy."

"You ask me why they burn that smoke at the conclave? I think it's to hide evidence."

"Second prize is a set of steak knives. What is third prize?"

"Will you officiate the wedding? Bring the lube."

"You can't get away from Keith and The Girl!"

"I grab him by the shirt collar, and, in Spanish, I tell him to get the fuck outta here before I kill him."

"Maybe I know better, but they have to be talking about my dick."

"You're my partner, and you've been stealing money from me!"

"She was mauled to death, so, hope you had fun with your little jokes."

"When you fuck my son, Ben, do us all the favor and don't ask for permission."

"My skin is coming off. "

"Let me judge the neighborhood: How much is a forty at the bodega? How much are blowjobs in the schools?"

"Oh, I love the way it gapes!"

"She will be shaving her head within two years."

"Look at all this female pussy I'm getting!"

"Sorry I'm late. I was busy jerking off."

"So that you don’t get sued you always have to say the money will go to charity, but I did offer to fight him and punch him in the neck."

"Everyone else seems afraid to say it, but Quvenzhané Wallis is kind of a cunt, right?"

"A Times Square Spider-Man slugged a woman."

"I wanna see his big thick steroid hog."

"And I flew across the country with shit on my pants and on my leg."

"We need the sincerity that God has placed within your wonderful being. Interested?"

"You fat bald fuck, I wish you were still in the hospital, you dipshit. How long's your marriage gonna last? Probably before it even starts, you cu-u-u-unt."

"You fat bald fuck, I wish you were still in the hospital, you dipshit. How long's your marriage gonna last? Probably before it even starts, you cu-u-u-unt."

"What's wrong with you? I'm an adult. Dick out."

"I love cummy dick shaft, and, I gotta be honest, over the years I've had too much cum in my eye."

"I left Britney alone before everyone was leaving Britney alone."

"No, I would get it if, y'know, Danny rubbed you wrong."

"They tried to film him being raped, but he went off-script and did the raping."

"Heard you yelled at Naturman?! Oh my God. Now I have to listen."

"THAT IS THE FUNNIEST FUCKIN' THING I'VE EVER HEARD AND YOU'RE GORGEOUS!"

"I go into bed. She's messing around on her iPad. And I spit on her pussy. And I - I'm masturbating. And I stick the head in, and I finish."

"I don't know if I'm really following or she's on Yoga Drugs, but it sounds like a crazy scene."

"See, Danny? There's a worse internship job."

"Good for your pussy; bad for him."

"Booty taste good!"

"You're lucky to have me, Cocks!"

"You better come to Therapy Camp with me."

The Girl is interviewed by entrepreneur site Mixergy.com, where she shares the business struggles and successes of Keith and The Girl.