Remember how your mother always told you that you looked like Tom Cruise? She was lying to Tom Cruise.

If true love were a gift, it would be hastily wrapped in a newspaper.

High up in the Alps lives a man named Steve. He hath brought upon the Earth a plague. This is it.

It's gotta beat Macauly Culkin's 1993 P.O.S., right? We should hope so, or else our bookie is going to go to town on our knees.

Now suitable for both adults and children assuming that both have been lobotomized! 

Officially endorsed by Herman Cain!

Our very own James Bernardin has a new EP out today! Hello Earthlings is his debut album. It can be found on iTunes as well as

Following the collapse of the economy, two things happened that changed our lives forever: 1) Sandwiches no longer tasted good and 2) We banded together to become a superhero trio the likes of which hasn't been seen sinc…

You know what they say, "The quickest way to a man's heart attack is ingested trans fats." A special episode recorded live at Wendy's.

How do you talk to an angel? First things first, don't write her a shitty song.

Time travel and sandiwch making have one thing in common: Jimmy Buffett is integral to both.

How many times must we tell you? The Earth does rotate around a giant tortoise.

In Matt's abscence Jimmie and Michael decided to do the one thing he does best: make lists. Here are our lists for the Top 5 Shitheads, Top 5 Meals, and a Top 5 of our own choosing. Enjoy! This'll make up for th…

It's a very special uncut episode of Slights of the Roundtable and Matt and Michael interview their significant others! Get to the heart of why these gals put up with these neurotic fools. Hint: It's certainly not because they call them gals.

Power Half-Hour.

You ever look in the mirror and realize you have incredibly feminine hips? That's probably what it feels like to date Hugh Jackman.

Remember right before you turned 20 and had that 1/5 life crisis because you haven't done anything of any importance? That's our life.

My mother always told me to be nice to guests. To call them "Sir" or "Madam," or maybe even "Ma'am," but she never told me how to get one of them in the sack. Shame on her.

You know that time in college when you decided to experiment more? This is what would have happened if you kept doing that.

In life there are two things worth living for: financial gain at the emotional expense of others and soup.

If there’s one thing we figured out this week it’s that we will all die in bean bag chair.

Everything you were taught in school was wrong. That's not a rhombus.

Shorts, Death Eaters, making love vs. making whoopee, cigarettes, diabetes, Judi Dench, Bristol Palin, and Judi Dench & Briston Palin are what Jimmie, Michael, and Matt all dreamt about in a shared dream where they c…

Wieners, Weiner, word play, and some good old fashioned disagreement feature heavily in this episode. Babies, bears, and Rick Santorum! It's Episode 11: Keep it to a Seven on Slights of the Roundtable.

Listen in for some jokes and conversation on what it means to be polite in a movie, thoughts on the rapture, and a defense of Dan Gorske, the world record-holder for most Big Macs eaten ina lifetime. It's Episode 9:

It's the weirdest episode yet as Jimmie, Matt, and Michael brings some jokes about Skype, Saturn, and sex addiction. It's Episode 8: Very Irate on Slights of the Roundtable!

Let's be clear. Matt, Michael, and Jimmie are not adults. You're listening to the proof of that. Childish debates and dumb decisions abound this week at the roundtable. It's episode 7: Bunny in Heaven on Slights of the R…

This week Michael, Matt, and Jimmie brew a sweet concoction made up of jokes, introspective talk, and not so introspective talk. Join them as they discuss their personal habits, why royals shouldn't get married in public…

At the Roundtable this week hear Jimmie, Michael, and Matt for some jokes about birds, talk about temping, and way more than you want to know about our sexual pasts. It's Episode 5: Limited Sex Drive on Slights of the Roundtable.

Join Michael, Matt, and Jimmie as they gather to crack wise about online dating, what it's like to be fat, and on the virtues of moisturizing. It's Episode 4: Date du Jour on Slights of the Roundtable!

Have you ever wanted to know exactly how we all feel about facial hair? Then this is the episode you have been waiting for! This week Michael, Matt, and Jimmie bring you some jabs at the Man, mentally handicapped kangaro…

Join Jimmie Bernardin, Michael Blomquist, and Matt Payton bring jokes about super glue, sailors, pigeons, and under age drinking to the Roundtable. Don't forget your sandwich! It's Episode 2: Superhero Glue!

Jimmie Bernardin, Michael Blomquist, and Matt Payton, the knights of tomfoolery bring you some jokes about non-lethal shootings, white criminals, prison, and things that don't involve the penal system. Oh... and excessive gummy bear chewing. It's Episo…